The Inaction Man Read online

  Chapter 6

  The Dream of the Dark Lords

  Inaction Man fell into sleep and his feet twitched as he shifted dimensions. He snored loudly, drooled silently, and when he had built up sufficient reserves, he urinated over himself. This trinity of signs could only mean he was approaching a black hole, the lair of the dark lords. In these pockets of darkness the forces of evil are so strong that they crush even light, but in dreams, the strongest of superheroes may pass through the singularity membrane and visit these prisons.

  Inaction Man, in his dream, hid in the psyche a spectre’s slave. Our hero had difficulty in seeing anything at first, but in time he learned to refocus. The nearest thing he could compare the black hole world to was a negative photo. It existed in surreal shades of black and blue with overlapping indigos and violets. Everything was formless and shifting. The crisp lines and sharp division that we consider normal are not a part of the dark side’s universe, existing as it does not only beyond time but also beyond space.

  At first Inaction Man had no idea what was being said – or even that anything was being said – because all he could hear was static and hissing. His visual senses provided little comprehensible input either. By closing his eyes and seeing through his host’s eyes, he made out spheres of dark light, arranged in elliptical circles, orbiting around a black glass pyramid.

  Our hero needed to know more. He had to look beneath the surface. Fighting back his sense of revulsion, Inaction Man plunged his hands into his host’s jelly mind. He grasped giant worms within it and in their gyrations his mind began to melt into the host’s mind. Tethered into the grooves of his slave’s psyche, he began to understand. Like a tapeworm he fed, and his hands evolved into suckers, but he was forced to keep moving these suckers so that the slime that grew over them would not harden and imprison him. If he stayed too long, he would sink into the jelly and become part of the spectre slave. The defender of the Earth would end his days as a fragment of a dream of a slave to a spectre.

  Inaction Man squeezed the worms of his host to comprehend his new environment as quickly as possible. The slave’s dark lord, Sillus Lagus, was about to address the other assembled lords in an extra-ordinary meeting. An amorphous ball-like creature, he moved to the centre of the parliament and gravitated above the black pyramid before he spoke:

  “I am Sillus Lagus. I ask permission to address the Council of the Dark Lords.”

  “Tell us, Lord Lagus, of developments on the world known by the day creatures as Earth,” a purple sphere hissed.

  “Our progress is swift. Humans are highly susceptible to the fog of routine. Already we have turned nearly one in three to stone creatures.”

  “And what news of the cracks in space and time?” another sphere asked.

  Lord Haggarth moved slowly in the innermost circle, and to judge by the sense of revulsion his obsidian presence evoked in the slave, he and his master were bitter enemies.

  “The cracks grow wider and more porous,” Lord Lagus replied.

  “Are you sure they cannot be seen?” Lord Haggarth questioned.

  “They are covered by the fog. Ghouls, spectres, changelings and goblins guard the cracks, in case any visionaries happen to pass by.”

  “Are the battle plans ready, Lord Lagus? When will we start the Nachtblitzkrieg?

  “We will launch the lightening night war in one Earth week. In a matter of what they call days, we will turn the Earth into the first ever night world.”

  A wave of static engulfed in the room and the orb that was Lord Lagus beamed brightly.

  “Will they not resist, these Earthlings?”

  “We will use the forces of action to ensnare them. The more they struggle to escape, the quicker they will be transformed. The more they fear us and act on this fear, the faster our victory will be. By their action shall they be doomed,” Lord Lagus said, with an echo.

  “What about the Elementals? Is the Earth not already garrisoned and guarded?” said Lord Haggarth, a former First Admiral and veteran of several failed campaigns.

  “Our agents have uncovered only two protectors. The Earth is so distant that the Elementals have left it almost unguarded.”

  “Almost?” said Lord Haggarth. “We have almost won many wars against the Elementals. And yet we are still imprisoned. Tell us more of the Earth’s protectors.”

  “We have incarcerated one in a psychiatric hospital. Our shape changers keep her under close surveillance and use chemical poisons to petrify her mind.”

  “What is the protector’s name?”

  “The Illogical Woman,” he replied, after a pause.

  “A danger I’m sure you will not ignore, Lord Lagus. We will rely on the power of logic to make people act when we reveal ourselves. We need logic to create fear in their hearts.”

  “I am aware of the danger, Lord Haggarth. If we have not turned her to stone in time, we shall liquidate the threat.”

  “And who is the second protector?”

  “He is called… ”

 

  Lord Lagus paused, unwilling to even say the name, but the longer he remained silent the stronger the parliament’s interest became.

  “He is called… the Inaction Man.”

  A tangled mess of hissing crackled through the dark lord spheres and their retainers. The name bred an infectious panic in them.

  “So, he does exist after all. Long have we waited to meet him,” Lord Haggarth said, more to himself than to the other lords.

  Another dark lord spun to the centre of the pyramid and addressed the parliament. He demanded that Lord Lagus cancel the attack at once and repeated the prophesy. Silence grew with each line so that by its end the chamber witnessed only his voice.

  “By inaction shall action be undone

  The dark lords battle be unwon

  Time remain unspun

  Space stay far-flung

  Pyramids smashed

  Plans dashed

  Night world

  Ash”

  Lord Lagus lashed out and sent a fork of violet energy which set the orator of the prophesy spinning. Lagus expanded his spherical shape to triple its normal size and beamed black light at ten times its standard intensity. Several spectres and lesser dark creatures were temporarily blinded.

  “No! We defy augury. We will not retreat. Our time has come, our time is now. Inaction Man will be eliminated. I will assign every spectre, every shape changer, every changeling, every last vampire sewer rat to one task only – the death of Inaction Man. Death to Inaction Man! Death!”

  Lord Haggarth and some of the older dark lords left the parliament. The dark lords who remained chanted the word ‘death’ and hid behind it, across all six of the concentric circles of the parliament.